Ego vs soul: How the ego leads to suffering and the soul leads to miracles

As you embark toward a life of more peace and fulfillment, you will find yourself at crossroads in a lot of different things. 

On one hand, you will feel the tendency to continue the old ways of doing/being. They can be your old job, your old relationships, your old addictive patterns etc. They may lead you to temporary happiness, yet may fail to give you lasting bliss. Yet, because they are familiar, you may experience the habitual instinct to continue them. 

On the contrary, there will be a higher calling/ a new path that you’re thinking of. This new path is exciting but can also be scary at the same time. For one, it’s an unfamiliar territory and two, you may feel like you don’t deserve that much joy and excitement so you just stick to the old ways of going about life. 

This is one of the many patterns that a lot of women (including the clients in my world) feel when they are on the path of spiritually awakening. It’s a time when you experience a lot of internal dilemmas and you may even feel lost trying to discern what to do next. 

And the reason for all of this is no other than the tension between the ego vs the soul. 

The former is the so-called negative Nancy in our heads who wants you to continue “what’s already been working.” Maybe she speaks in a chirpy, petulant tone of your aunt saying things like “shouldn’t you be productive? Shouldn’t you be successful by now? etc”. Or maybe she speaks in a raspy, belligerent tone of your father, depending on who has impacted you most in your childhood. 

The ego is a fear-based programming– usually shaped by the environment you grew up in and has been passed on by our ancestors. The ego gives you a sense of identity of “I”, yet at the same time makes you feel like you are separate from other people and need to establish a name for yourself. 

The latter is a much gentler, quieter (and deeper) aspect of you aka the soul. She is your authentic self who is an aspect/expression of the Creator. The soul came here for a greater mission and is connected to all, which includes other life forms and the Universal Spirit/Intelligence. 

For a lot of people, we are mostly in our egos to go about our day to day life. We stay in our egos, trying to survive and “make it happen” in our business/career. The media and society fuels this need to stay in our egos further– with the need to “show off” the things you have and seek validation from people (more on that later). 

However, despite the ego being a primary way of how we go about our day-to-day life, being in our egos is also the no.1 cause for suffering. To put it another way, living from our egos is like having a wild chihuahua controlling you and barking in your head 24/7.

When I used to have my ego run the show, it felt like I was always at war with reality. There was always something I would be upset about– from what my boss said to me (back when I was working at a 9-5) to how a potential client didn’t immediately sign up in my business. I felt like I was trying to chase one trophy to another, while always feeling anxious about what will happen next. 

It wasn’t until I released the ego and lived more in my soul that reality started to shift from within. It felt like the whole time I couldn’t see how perfect reality is, until I wiped the dirty glass wall in front of me (i.e. the ego). And once I began letting go of my ego, life began to shower me with synchronicities and miracles, oftentimes way better than how my ego could have planned or imagined. 

And this isn't just me. A lot of my clients have felt weary and tired early on in their spiritual awakening journeys. It wasn’t until they operate more from the soul (rather than the ego) that they began to experience how good life actually can be. This can look like building an aligned feel good business, working at a job you love, or meeting the love of your life– all of which is simply a by-product of you restoring the perfection of your soul/Self.

Such miracles are possible to you too when you let go of the ego and move into the soul. For miracles are your birthright and are simply reflections of who you actually are. (For you are a miracle being my darling). Our egos are the only things that hold us back from seeing and receiving life as the miracle that it is. And the reason for that is because…

The ego fights against reality, the soul flows with reality

To the ego, it’s hard to accept life as it is. There is always something you want to fix or control, with an underlying fear of what will happen next. 

I know this because back when I was under the chains of my ego, I would be constantly overthinking, overplanning, and overanalyzing. It was like even though I would be hanging out with my boyfriend (now husband) at the beach, I would still be “in my head” and therefore not able to enjoy the moments as much. My mind was always in the future or the past, never able to enjoy what this present moment has. 

And the reason for that is because the ego doesn’t trust yourself nor trust life. To the ego, there is always an underlying fear that you are trying to run away from. For instance, back then I would be trying to run away from “failing” in my business, I would overthink so much that I became paralyzed to take action in my business. And even when I did take action, it was coming from panic and fear which led me to unconsciously repelling clients. 

It wasn’t until I let my soul lead my life that it changed the game for me. That’s because when I am in my soul, I’m open, receptive, and mindful of everything that’s here Now. So that means even if there is darkness, I get to transmute what life is presenting me and alchemize it into what’s best for the highest good. For instance, if life is presenting me with a fear around putting myself out there, I would heal it then use it to serve my clients. 

When you live from the soul, it’s hard not to see everything in your life as a gift, so much that it overwhelms with gratitude to you *in a good way* everyday. Just as in surfboarding, you no longer resist the waves of life but instead are flowing with it. This is how you merge your individual will with the divine Will, and create miracles through becoming an instrument of IT.   

The ego needs validation, the soul embodies Truth

Amongst many things that the ego clings to, one of the things that the ego cares highly about is what other people think of you. After all, the ego is a sucker for validation and approval from other people, because that’s how we “fit into” society ever since we grew up. “Because who would be if people don’t love you”... mutters the ego in a frail, scared tone. 

And in order to gain validation and approval from other people, most of us try to cope in mainly two ways. To some people, we puff ourselves up by presenting the “perfect,” “successful” image of ourselves in order to impress other people. To others, we attain that validation by repressing ourselves and hiding so that we please other people. I’ve personally been in both camps myself. 

However, the need to seek validation is like drinking salt water: it only makes you thirstier and the validation never feels enough (I wrote about that in this article). And honestly, it feels hollow inside when you sit in that feeling. That’s because by fishing for validation from other people, we end up abandoning ourselves. We end up putting a mask on that looks good to other people but is quietly suffocating us. 

All of this happens because the soul has a different way of living that is way more freeing, liberating, and ecstatic to you. It’s like going from being stuck in the sand to running on a seashore, with your free-spirit billowing in the wind. You free yourself by letting yourself become who you came here to be. You no longer distort, filter, nor dim yourself for the sake of pleasing others. You express your authentic, true Self. And because of it, you get to feel fulfilled every day and in every way.

The ego benefits the smaller part, the soul benefits the greater whole 

One of the biggest reasons why living from the ego is unsatisfying is because when we are in our egos, we live in our heads and are disconnected from our hearts. What I mean by that is, we are only thinking about what we can “get,” so much that we only think of our own benefit. It can feel like in order for you to “win,” someone else has to sacrifice for it. 

A common example of such is found in the business and marketing world where in order to make profit, people do anything they can to get there– even if it is out of integrity and unethical. This can look like propping yourself up while talking down on the audience: saying how the audience will continue being lacking and lost until they buy your product. It can also look like overhyping and overpromising on what you have while underdelivering in the backend. When you are running your life/ business from the ego, someone else (and your own heart) has to pay the cost of it… 

All of that is in contrast to the soul, where we benefit ourselves through benefiting everyone else. In the business world, this can look like providing value from your gifts while having an equal energy exchange that is nourishing to both parties. It can also look like marketing in a compassionate way that feels good to both you and your audience. When you operate from your soul, everyone gets to benefit. You contribute to life and therefore life supports your wishes. 

One of the most beautiful things about living from your soul is that, the more you surrender to the soul (and your greater Self/ the Divine), life becomes breathtakingly easy… because we now get out our own way for creating what we want. Whether that’s to build a business that lights us up or step more into your purpose, you find clarity in every step because you now let love be the lantern that guides your path. 

My life has been radically changed in so many ways myself as I surrender more of my ego and let my soul lead. From being able to support my beloved clients to writing articles where I can express all of myself, I can say that I get to live my dream life everyday. When you truly follow the soul, you get to live out your own unique definition of “dream life” while finding magic even in the mundane. 

And the crazy thing is, when you live from your soul you don’t even have to necessarily spiritually strive to “manifest” anymore. Yes, you can have intentions on what you want to create/manifest. But because you begin to fall in love with the journey in itself, the things you attract into your life simply become a cherry on top of the cake that you savor in every bite.