Healing the wounded heart as a feminine being

The heart is the doorway that opens you to receive the wholeness of life in all aspects.

Yet, as sensitive feminine beings, it’s easy to become wounded in the heart as we interact with others. It’s easy for us to take on the pain in others and experience it for ourselves. It’s easy to feel the pain of a situation deeply in our hearts and then amplify the pain even further in our heads. 

In business, this can look like becoming wounded by so-called business “failures” such as having failed launches or being rejected by prospects. It can also look like being judged by others for your creative pursuits, receiving negative comments, or feeling rejected by potential clients.

In relationships, this can look like not receiving the love you want, whether that’s because a man does not reciprocate your love or feeling unseen and unheard in a relationship. It can also look like grievances or unresolved conflicts from a broken relationship. 

And when a woman’s heart is wounded, she either does either one of two things:

• She either externalizes the wound and becomes hardened 

• OR she internalizes the wound and becomes repressed 

For the one who externalizes, it means pointing fingers at others for the cause of her suffering. This looks like blaming others, not trusting others, and believing that the world is an un-loving place which can even lead to hurting others and taking revenge. 

For the one who internalizes, it means pointing fingers at herself for the cause of her suffering. This may then translate to martyr syndrome where she then tries to relieve the pain off others but instead ends up casting the wound on herself. And in contrast to the above situation, she blames herself, does not trust herself, and blocks her own way for receiving what her heart actually desires. The wounds can also show up personal insecurities that hold her back. 

Yet regardless of whether a woman internalizes or externalizes the pain, what needs to be tended first is the pain within the heart. Healing the pain requires listening, in compassion, to that pain. Only then, we get to a space of healing the wounded heart in a way that lasts. Only then, we bring our hearts to love and transcend to higher awareness. Only then, we can make space to open and receive what we really want. 

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Tending the pain

Despite the need to intuitively attend to our hearts, how most women respond to this inner pain is by using our logic to bypass the pain. This looks like thinking “if only x person treats me that way then I will feel loved.” “If only the situation turns out that way, then I will feel worthy and seen” etc. In fact, this can even look like thinking that “if only I do this 10-step-strategy then I can relieve this inner pain and move on to get what I want.”

All of those are means of avoiding the pain. And the more we try to run away from this pain, by logically thinking our way out, the more the wound becomes inflamed.

Instead, what lets us heal the wounded heart is giving unbounded love, compassion, and forgiveness toward the ‘hurt self’ within us— for giving love to the heart, is like allowing rain to revive a dry, deserted plant agian. 

This means that if you see that another person/situation is the cause of your pain, it requires sending forgiveness and compassion to that person/situation. It requires seeing the love that still exists within them, even if they externally appear as being cold and hostile. 

And if you see yourself as the reason for the existence of this pain, it requires forgiveness of oneself and seeing the ever-present love in you within. 

Yet, for a woman who’s hurt and externalizes the cause, she may feel that if she forgives and loves the other, she will be stepped on and taken advantage of. And to a woman who internalizes she may feel that if she is kind and soft toward herself she may make more mistakes, screw up, and that it would lead to further disappointment. 

But what I’ve learned is that all of those restraints we hold back ourselves from giving love (whether toward others or ourselves) are the exact cause of why we don’t fully receive what our heart wants. 

That’s because we buy into the notion that “love is limited” (such as being only restricted to a person you can’t have or a “positive” situation/outcome in business). And because we treat love as a limited resource, we also receive love back in limited amounts. 

The truth is, it is only love that can fully heal the wounded heart. For our hearts are vessels that house the love that unites all of us. And this love, has to be sourced from within yourself first. 

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Releasing limited worldviews

After guiding yourself to witness the pain with love, the next component of healing is to see the Truth beyond yourself (and what I mean by that is untying yourself to the limited world view that inflicts pain within you). 

For example, if your heart is wounded from the pain of a rejection, it requires letting go of the worldview of being a ‘rejected person’ and instead expanding your awareness to see the cause of what leads to rejection from a neutral, imperturbable perspective.

Because it is these limited worldviews, tied to our separate, ego selves that creates the wounds within our hearts in the very first place. It is the limited mental stories that we keep replaying in our heads that blocks the heart from connecting to what our heart wants to receive. 

Because Truth, when seen from a holistic perspective, is kind, gentle, and equanimous. 

Through this holistic perception, kinder actions that are more unattached, pure, and grounded may then arise. It is these kind actions, generated intuitively through our hearts that lead to fully healing yourself, while also making a soulful impact on the people who may be involved.

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Communicating with your heart

This leads onto my final yet most important note around healing the heart, which is that— to heal the wounded heart, you have to communicate with your heart. In fact, the feminine heart is the potent source of infinite wisdom, truth, and radiance that guides us to what we most desire. 

This looks like dropping the mental chatters and “what ifs” in your head to instead leaning into your heart to what’s most alive, most powerful, and most blissful within your heart, then trusting that. This looks like tuning into the intricacies of what your heart feels, at each moment, so that you can rely more fully on your own inner guidance rather than seeking information/the solutions that you believe are missing within you. 

What that comes down to is deepening intimacy with your own heart— such as through asking questions to your heart in ways that no one else hasn’t, or allowing your heart to express in ways that no one else hasn’t received you before. This is the reason why creating art is a powerful medium for healing the heart. 

And when you do deepen your own connection to your heart, you will find yourself moving with more grace, peace, and effortlessness. This is because your inner feminine can now reside from a space of being seen, loved, and feeling safe for who she is. 

In fact, as I write this post, I have been going through a bad friendship breakup, but as I write this blog, I receive the healing with every word because I am communicating in a way that keeps me even closer to my heart. Through that close connection I experience to my heart, I was then able to distill my feelings into insights that would allow women to mend their hearts too. 

Your heart is a portal to higher awareness. She is what allows infinite divine wisdom to flow through us: which is the essence that brings about healing within you. 

If you’re a business owner, this is the reason why basing the guidance in your business from your heart is so fulfilling and nourishing, as compared to only consulting the mind. It is also the reason why having a partner who sees and witnesses your heart is so fulfilling too because you let healing essence flow through you, and your sacred heart. 

In essence, the more you connect to your heart and speak to her, through different mediums (such as through your business, your relationships, your art), the fuller your heart becomes. This is what leads to a body-based awareness that everything is One and that we are all connected through love. 

It is in this state where peace is ever-present and miracles happen freely, without force. This is in this state that you experience the presence of God unconditionally holding you, cradling you, and loving you through the people/things in your life. 

Below a poem for you, that describes the peace that exist in this healed-heart state and can also be a sacred heart healing prayer for you…

With every heartbeat, 

my heart radiates the love that she most needs

Filling up every cell of my body 

with tenderness and kindness 

That dissolves stubbles of sorrow, 

Soothing my nerves that are locked up 

In angst, by the victim that says ‘I’m the one who is hurt’

For it is only the hurt 

That causes hurt 

And that what is love 

Can only create love 

And when hurt is one with love 

Love is what what remains 

So when my heart is one with love, 

All suffering cease to remain

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On that note, I hope this article has been healing for you. And if you desire more guidance on experiencing depth, fullness, and fulfillment in business and relationships, my 1-1 coaching is for you. You can join here.