How identity crisis leads to freedom

Whenever you are going through an identity crisis, it can feel like you are lost— not knowing who you are, where you are heading, or even know what you really want anymore.

This is especially true when you have recently experienced big life changes that shake up your ground. As in, a relationship breakup, losing a job/status, or having an accident etc.

OR, identity crises may also happen for no reason as well. Sometimes, it happens when your spirit outgrows the people, the possessions, the things around you. 

Perhaps you may find yourself not being as excited about the things that you used to excite you before. Perhaps you may find yourself questioning the things you used to do. Or perhaps you may find yourself asking big questions like— what the purpose of your life is, who are you really, what happens after death etc. 

All of those above are signs of an identity crisis.

I’ve been through multiple identity crises myself throughout the 26 years I’ve been on earth. One of the many ones of them includes the death of my father and the other which was after my business failed as a fitness coach. And recently it was burning my spiritual business to the ground. 

I know it’s not easy. 

Yet, everytime I look back, I see how there is nothing as transformative, as profound, and as freeing as much as an identity crisis. 

I know this is hard to see if you are in the midst of one. But from going through a fair share of identity crises myself, I want to share with you my reflections on how the darkness of an identity crisis is actually a pathway to experience the miraculous sunshine of life on the other side.

From my heart to yours. 

~

You learn the power of letting go

Normally, our minds are afraid of the word letting go. Because it feels like emptiness, losing control, and perhaps even death (to the egos). 

And this is why identity crises feel scary. It is because during an identity crisis, life is taking away the things you thought were YOU. So if you think you are your relationship, life is taking that away. Or if you think you are your achievement, life is taking that away that away.

And it can feel like a big uncertain void that you’re stepping into.

This “void” happens because the mind actually doesn’t see is what’s on the other side of letting go. Like how one of my favorite YouTubers, Kyle Cease mentioned “the mind doesn’t know what it will gain, it can only know what it will lose.”

Like for instance, if you are letting go of a relationship, the mind may see that as a “loss” or the fact that you are now “alone.” But what it doesn’t know is the deeper connection to yourself and a more aligned, healthier relationship on the other side of it.

Or if you are letting go of an old way of doing business, it may look like less flow of clients and income for the short-term. But what the mind doesn’t see is more happiness, sustainability, and greater alignment with clients in the long run.

With everything you are letting go, you are actually creating space for better ones to come to you.

This includes people, places, and things that make your life more easeful. The kind where you don’t have to put so much effort to “maintain” because they are in natural alignment to you.

And even more importantly, whenever you are letting go, you are creating a space to find YOU— the Self/ the Truth of you that you can never lose.

Your self-worth expand beyond titles 

Before an identity crisis your self-worth may be tied to certain achievements and identities (e.g., 7 figure business owner, an Olympic athlete, a real estate investor etc.). 

However, let’s say these titles get taken away all of a sudden due to a sudden life change.

Then we experience pain because our worth+ our identity is attached to these titles. When the truth is, you are infinitely worthy just for being you, regardless of what you have achieved.

Identity crises allow you to realize that you are worthy as you are. That you are lovable and more than good enough, without needing any titles. And to find yourself not needing any “label” to be worthy is absolute freedom.

You realize that you are greater than who you thought you were 

Not only that, when you are no longer attached to a fixed identity, you are able to expand and go further beyond who you thought you were.

What I mean by that is, your growth becomes unlimited because now you are able to transcend your old labels and identities. Your expression becomes uncapped because now you are no longer restricted by who you think you “should” express as.

Like for me in the past, I thought I had to stick to a “niche” in order to be successful. So when I was making fitness content online, I thought I could only make content around fitness in order to grow my audience. And was afraid of sharing other aspects of me because I was afraid that people would dislike me and unfollow.

But by limiting myself to a single identity, I was actually holding back my real Self (and so my happiness). The truth was, I wanted to share way more things about life more than just the fitness content. And only when I let myself go past the limited identity (i.e. to show up as a fitness coach), I could finally experience the true impact of me in my business.

Which is the reason why identity crisis can actually be so freeing. Because now you get to see who you actually are (and the real impact you can make)— beyond the golden cage you have set yourself up.

You merge with your true Self

The truth is, the reason why identity crises feel “painful” and “uncertain” is because we are afraid of who you actually are. That is, to see the real, true, raw, authentic aspects of us.

Consider this example where a business owner is afraid of pivoting her niche to something else that brings her joy because she is afraid of losing her identity related to past income. Although she may be burnt out and uninspired in her business, she may be working on maintaining the former identity even though her work may be causing strain to her mental and emotional well-being. 

Just like that, whenever you are attaching yourself to certain identities, no matter how high-end, luxury-looking they are, you are putting a cap onto the fulfillment you can experience. You are suppressing yourself from expressing yourself and being yourself.

But when you surrender to the identity crisis and let yourself simply “become,” you will realize how easy life can be. Because when you are living as your true Self, there is less you need to "figure out and more of what you feel… and letting yourself be guided by your feelings is actually easy (in fact wayyy easier than what stickiness to an identity).

So we become free, unafraid to play, create, and be— as free as frolicking in the wildflower meadows and dancing with the wind. And you will realize how easy it is to live with this newfound freedom, of what lights you up moment-to-moment.