How to heal the father wound for inner rest & peace

Inner peace is available at every moment.
It’s not something we have to strive for—it's a state of being we naturally return to when we feel safe, supported, and whole.

But for many of us, peace doesn’t feel true inside the body.
Instead, there’s an underlying hum of pressure, shame, or striving that makes us feel like what we desire is not here.

One of the deepest, most common sources of this inner unrest is the father wound.

I see it often in my clients—women who long for softness, fulfillment, and rest, yet find themselves pushing, proving, or fighting for things that are “not there yet.”

And I know it intimately myself as I grew up with constant judgment and criticism from my father. There was always something I needed to do better, be better, change, or fix.
And yet, even with all that pain, I deeply love my late father. To this day, my inner little girl adores him— in fact, even more than my all-around amazing husband.

That contrast used to confuse me.
But now I understand: a father’s love is our first experience of masculine energy—of structure, safety, stability, and support. It’s our blueprint for how we relate to the world, to men, to materiality, to money, and most of all… to ourselves.

When that love is consistent and unconditional, we feel a deep sense that life is on our side. We feel seen, loved, supported. We feel safe to rest, to trust, to be.
But when a father’s love feels harsh, absent, or filled with conditions, our nervous system learns the opposite. With inner narratives that go like:

“I have to do more.”
“I can’t trust my abilities.”
“I’m not enough yet.”
“I can’t relax yet.
 

And those beliefs follow us into our adult lives.

Sometimes they show up in obvious ways, like struggling in romantic relationships or feeling unvalued in business/career. Other times, they’re more subtle, with a general sense of experiencing a missing “gap” inside.

For instance, you may feel like love is always a little out of reach—something that will finally arrive only when you get married or achieve a certain milestone. In terms of having peace, it may feel inaccessible until you’re financially free or emotionally validated by a partner.

To that, you may have constantly tried to “fix” yourself– through self-help, manifestation/ law of attraction, hoping that once you’ve healed or improved enough, you’ll finally be whole, complete, lovable.

However, there will still be an energy of “reaching out,” like you don’t have your desires yet.
And despite “trying,” you may also find yourself swinging between doing too little and doing far too much—either frozen in shame or burning yourself out, as you try to earn your way to inner peace.

And if your father had anger toward you, that energy may have turned inward. You may criticize yourself constantly, or you may feel that same frustration spilling into your relationships, even when you don’t want it to. You may feel like you have to do it all on your own, unable to relax or receive help, even when it’s offered to you.

And underneath it all, there’s often a lack of trust—of others, of your own future, of yourself. So the mind is unable to fully rest and receive from your femininity. 

But my love, these patterns don’t mean something is wrong with you.
They only mean that the little girl in you is yearning for the unconditional love from a father that she knows she deserves. She is longing to relax in the peace of who you are, while being held by the masculine’s arms.

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For healing this father wound, what I see in the unconscious mind of my clients is that this wounded father figure almost always shows up as a rigid, demanding presence that taunts and torments the soul.

I’ve seen it in countless forms — a roaring dinosaur, a mechanical woodman, a prison guard, a shadowy monster crouched in the bedrock of psyche.

Each of them tells the same story: a structure of authority that’s not protective, but oppressive. It doesn’t hold you, but rather hems you in.

And so, it makes sense that no matter how much you try to move forward — into a new relationship, a new job, or that dream business — the same old childhood stories keep looping underneath.​​ That is, the story that says you are unseen, unsupported, and unvalued.

And that’s because the unconscious, which is deeply intertwined with the body, is still holding on to the old architecture. So even though physically you are no longer in your childhood situations, emotionally, it’s all that the body knows.

Think of it like building a sanctuary on a sandy foundation. Your current life may be safe on paper, but your nervous system still lives in “flight-or-fight” mode. It still flinches at what could happen in the future, still expecting the unpredictable mood swings of a father who couldn’t be trusted.

And so you find yourself drawn, again and again, to men whose love makes you anxious or careers that demand so much out of you. And it’s not because that’s what you actually want, but because the situations are familiar to you.

And the way through isn’t about merely fixing the external– i.e. trying to “earn more”, get into a new relationship etc. Because doing so only fixes the symptoms that show up in the world but not the root cause.

Rather, it’s about rebuilding the inner structure of the father that bleeds onto how we experience our lives. And I don’t mean trying to fix the father who raised you — what I mean is, the archetypal masculine within your unconscious. That is, the one who was never really safe. And instead, we want to reintroduce a new father. A divine one.

You can call him what you like — God, the Heavenly Father, the Universe — but unlike the human father, this new father isn’t loud or looming. It’s the source of steady, solid, stable love.

In the unconscious, He may appear as a mountain: unmoving, strong, and always there. Or as the wide open sky: vast enough to hold the roaring dinosaur of your human father without flinching.

In my client sessions, the God father shows up differently for each soul. That’s why I channel it uniquely for you — because your soul has a taste, a texture, and she knows the kind of masculine presence she’s been starving for.

And the key to healing it isn’t just about “knowing” what you want. That is, mentally knowing that He is loving.

Rather, we want to experience the presence of the God father in the body. Such as, the way He stays when you cry. The way He doesn’t judge you for resting. The way He accepts you even when you fail.

That’s how you start to rewire the old father's wound, my love. You do this by giving yourself the opposite of everything you had to endure growing up.

If your childhood father only loved you when you achieved something. This God father would say: “I love you even if you do nothing.”

Or if your old programming says you have to hurry or else you’ll fall behind, the God father would say: “You’re safe even if you take your time.”

Or if you were told to bring pride to the family or else you would be a disgrace, the God father would say “You are loved, even if you fail.”

Your feminine soul will sigh to that in relief. But your mind? Oh, your mind will throw a tantrum. It will try to convince you that this kind of love is a non-existent fantasy.

That if you rest, you'll be a rotten vegetable, good-for-nothin. Or that if you take your time, nobody will take care of you. And that if you live without pressure, you’ll become “useless”, a piece of nothing etc.

But that resistance is also sign you’re on the right track, my dear. It means you’re dissolving the flimsy structure of the mind and instead are starting to move toward what your heart actually wants: a love that doesn't ask you to change who you are. A love that lets you be. After all the mind is also a little child also wanting father God’s love. 

Because the truth is, settling for conditional love (of the mind/ and the wounded father) — or worse, pretending you don’t need love at all — is what keeps us stuck in relationships that hurt, careers that overload us, or success that doesn’t mean much.

And to anchor the God father’s love, it has to live in the body. That means, not just in some high-vibe meditation or manifestation visualization. But actually experience that throughout your daily life, in the mess of it all.

For instance, if you had an issue with your boss at work, instead of wallowing in how you could have done “better” or trying to argue who’s right or wrong, it would look like letting in love from the God father who loves you in spite of it all. 

Or if there is a problem in a relationship, instead of trying to beg for your partner or try to earn his love, it would look like letting in love from the God father instead, who loves you in spite of it all.

In essence, healing the father wound isn’t about blaming your dad or endlessly reliving trauma just to understand it. It’s about reclaiming what you never received — and allowing that reclamation to reshape how you experience reality Now. 

It’s about walking through life no longer bracing for impact, but moving as someone who is gently held… Now.

Because when you let the God Father take the place of the wounded one — when you stop fighting, fixing, or performing — you return home to the part of you that has always been at peace… that is, the inner being who is in harmony with life itself. Here, you find ever-present ease, tranquility, and softness.

And the more you rest in that inner being — your feminine soul — and let life become the God Father rather than the wounded one, your reality begins to shift in the most unexpected, beautiful ways. Career doors open. The right-fit clients find you. The partner you longed for enters your life. All through quiet synchronicity, not force.

And it’s not because you’re “trying” to manifest. It’s simply because miracles are the norm when you live with God.

In fact, even the people around you will begin to shift. And it's not because you’ve asked them to, but because they can feel that something inside YOU has changed.
I hear this all the time from clients: their husbands soften, their friends respond differently — not from pressure, but because the energy in you has become unmistakably different. Yup, reality is always responding to you, my dear.

And when you are no longer efforting through life from the pain of a wounded father… but instead, living inside the presence of the loving God Father — you finally feel safe to just be.

This is the life you came here to live, my dear.

You didn’t come here to clench, control, or fix others.
You came here to experience the perfection of God’s reality,
To surrender what’s in the way,
And to receive… fully, freely, and effortlessly.

Much love,
Chan Myae

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P.S. If you desire to experience unconditional peace and fulfillment on an everyday basis through personalized 1:1 support, book a free clarity call to see if you’re a right fit for you here.