Why trying to control outcomes is heavy to the soul

As I connect to the peace of God within, one thing has been found true time and time again: 
That is, the need to get to outcomes is burdening the soul 

You see my love, getting to outcomes is so normalized in this day and age
Ever since we are young, we are told to get the good grades, the sports medallions, the straight As,
We are told to pick the hobbies we think would make the most sense, the subjects on what would give the most return, the careers that our parents think would be most prestigious, 
And even when we grow up, this pressure never ends 
At work, we’re told to optimize the hours, be productive, be efficient, 
And likewise, in the business world, we’re told to follow the exact roadmap of what the business coaches have taken, get to the 6-7-8 figures fast, 

But if you’re like me, a sensitive soul who’s highly attuned to her feelings, 
You may feel like something is off with that 
Or maybe something is “wrong” with you 
For not getting the results that other preach about 
Or even when you do get results, to feel a glob inside your chest 

~
And for a long time, that was how I used to feel 
I thought that it was just a “me” thing. 
That I just don’t fit in with other people 
And that if I were to succeed in this world, I just have to accept that turmoil nobody understands 
But the more and more I deepen on this spiritual path, the more it shook me 
For hours and days at a time, I would feel immense bliss and peace, leaving me agasp
But interspersed between them were bouts of fears, worries, and anxiety,
It felt like the lid to cosmic consciousness was now open, but the mind is still tethered, flapping for its dear life on one end 

And when I probed in even deeper, I saw that the most stubborn pattern of all was the need to cling onto outcomes 
It was the root of the occasional voice in my head, the one “figuring out” how to get my next client, how to attract more clients, and all that jazz
It wasn’t a problem for most of my life, until I realized that this little voice has been suffocating me in silence 
Because everytime, I would listen to that voice, I would “do” things, but then I would be caught in the spiderweb of suffering– quavering under the need to control the future 
And even when I DO get the outcomes it wants (the clients, the income, the sales), the hit of relief comes but only to stay temporarily…
And I’m hooked onto the chasing the next outcome again, feeling as though I’m not complete until I get that 

This grasp of the mind continued I saw the root of all which was the need to provide for my family
My whole life I had been shoved into the image of a good daughter 
The one who sticks to the cultural rules and obligations, the one who would make the family proud
And with my father passing away 6 years ago, I had to take on his role in the family
Being the provider, the breadwinner, the responsible leader,
But now, I realized that this burden has been wearing me out
And so I released it, in the bottom pit of my subconscious 
Only then I could taste the air of how free my spirit actually was 

Now, I see even more clearly how the need to control outcomes is so not our true nature
It’s the little mind, draped in shiny armor of tactics and strategies
But underneath is trembling with worries about not getting what you want 
Afraid that this reality is not safe, not love,
Yet on the other side of letting go of it all,
Is your luminous peaceful soul, 
Ever-wild, ever-free, ever-whole