How to not care what people think (so you can be free)
When we care about what people think, we have to stop and hesitate about almost everything we want to do. Caring about people’s opinions is like a brick wall that holds us back from going all in… for whatever we want to pursue.
For entrepreneurs, this can look like holding yourself back when posting on social media because of what people may think about you. It can also look like not expressing your thoughts fully and authentically because people may think you are “too much,” “too little,” or whatever label you are afraid people may judge you as.
And even if you’re not an entrepreneur, caring about what people think can make you feel like you have to pretend to be someone you are not. This looks like being rigid and controlling on how you “should” be in your job/career or overthinking before you do/say anything.
I used to be someone who would worship what people thought of me in the past myself. I was trying to achieve big things my whole life (like getting straight A’s all throughout highschool and college)– not because I genuinely loved what I did but because I wanted people to think highly of me. And even when I decided to pursue entrepreneurship, I couldn’t get myself to show the spiritual side of me because I was afraid of what my scientific “friends” in grad school would think.
And what I’ve learned is that caring about what people think is like carrying a heavy baggage wherever you go. Think of us as being children of the Universe: it’s like being chained down by the baggage that you can’t play around “in the playground of life” at all. And unless we are free from that, we can’t be/do/say what we most want & therefore build a life you truly love.
And I know some people will say… “Just don’t care what people think! Because who cares!” Although this advice can get people moving for a little while, I know this doesn’t actually work long term because it’s not dealing with the root of the problem.
So in this blog post, I want to share with you how can let go of the *grip* of caring what people think once and for all. Embodying these concepts (that I’m going to be sharing with you soon) is what helped me from watching others from the sidelines to instead going for what I want– in my business and creative endeavors. With these concepts, I have also helped my clients so they can be more freer, be more expressed, and more of themselves too.
So without further do let’s get into it so you can be more You!
Heal your relationship with the masculine
Oftentimes when we care about what people think, it is because it reminds us of seeking approval from someone significant– usually a prominent parental figure early on in our lives. It reminds us of the times when we were little and needed their love and approval for almost everything we do.
And here we are as grown up adults, it can still feel like we need approval from people, especially from those who remind us of our parents.
To a lot of women, this looks like wanting to be wild and free yet, but you feel as though a masculine energy is trying to suppress you (this can either be from your mom or dad, whoever embodies more of the more rational, masculine side).
A wounded relationship to the masculine is what creates this feeling with a weird tension inside like you need them but they don’t fully want you.
And because you don’t get to be free (to express your feminine side), you feel chained up, caged up, locked up from doing what you actually want.
In the work I do with my clients, I see this to be one of the main blockages for women feeling creatively stifled, energetically stuck, and overall feeling unfulfilled in their business/career. This is also what manifests as emotions like shame, anger, fear, and guilt in our day-to-day lives.
For this reason, truly being free in who you are & not care what people think comes down to healing your relationship to the masculine. In other words, it requires re-coding the deep rooted belief that you will be pushed down, diminished, and distorted by the masculine to INSTEAD the feeling that you will be safe, held, and be unconditionally loved by the masculine.
In the healing sessions I do with my clients we do this through a number of ways.
With some of my clients, this looks like changing their past story (to a kind that involves receiving unconditional love from the masculine) as I walk them through a hypnosis. To others, this looks like me channeling their past selves who were suppressed by the masculine (so we can let your feminine self out and let her heal).
I do this on an intuitive basis that is highly personalized to you and your unique soul. You can learn more about my healing sessions here.
For me, when I learned that caring about what people think came from the little me wanting and needing love from my dad, it changed the game for me. Now, instead of ruminating on what people are thinking of me, I see any thought of judgments as simply little me wanting love from her dad and through reconnecting to that me, I can let go of people’s judgements almost immediately.
And here are some journaling prompts that can support you for healing your relationship with the masculine:
When have you been suppressed for who you are when growing up? What was the reason?
How did you threaten the masculine? What challenges did it create in the masculine? How did it trigger his wounded self?
What does the masculine actually want for you? What is his pure soul actually saying to you? How does the masculine want to love you?
Being able to understand others on a deeper level
Another reason why we can be caring too much about what people think is because we are not seeing them fully. It happens when we are only seeing their judgements and not past that.
This is the reason why most of the time when we are feeling triggered (by people’s judgements), it can feel like having a third person who is unbiased, non-judging, and has a clear vision who can tell exactly what is actually happening can feel so healing.
For example, one time a client of mine was “blocked” online by a person she cared so much about and that has been bothering her for almost a year. But through having me channel the situation and sharing why the other person did that, she got to release the guilt she has been holding on and could eventually move on to focus on her career.
And don’t worry if you don’t have this third person, because the ability to see the other person from a neutral, higher perspective is something that we can naturally do for ourselves– especially when you sharpen your intuitive awareness. Your logical mind can become biased from your own triggers but your intuitive senses do not lie.
And when you use your intuition to understand what+why the other person is judging you, you get to see that all is well. You see that they are doing their best based on their limited perceptions and you see that your truth is beyond what they can judge. Through your intuition, you also get to see what their higher selves actually think of you (and from that, you can find incredible peace, harmony, understanding, and love).
Journaling prompts for understanding others (so you can also more deeply understand yourself):
Why could they be judging you as that (insert a label you are afraid of being judged as)?
What are they not seeing about you? What are they not seeing about themselves?
What does the judgers’ higher self want you to know?
Through these reflections you will see why judgments are not meant to be taken personally. Because most of the times, judgements may not be about you, but rather it’s about the person who judges.
Accept yourself for all that you are
Another thing that I’ve learned in my spiritual journey is that we care what people think when deep down we also think that they are right. A part of us has to somewhat believe in their opinions in order for their perceptions to hurt us.
For example, I used to be butthurt when a colleague of mine in grad school implied how I was only focused on social media and was not involved much in research at all. And she was right! What I want to pursue long-term was entrepreneurship and not academic research. The only reason why it hurted me back then was because I wasn’t fully owning my wishes, dreams, and desires, and was shaming myself for that.
And similarly, in my current business I realized that what has been holding me back was that I was afraid of people’s judgments on what I wanted to post about. I was afraid that if I post too much or too often, people would judge me that I’m too boring, too repetitive, or too much of everything. But once I finally accepted these judgements and owned the shadow aspects of me, I became unstoppable in my business.
The truth is, your true potential is on the other side of you accepting what people may judge you as.
We only repress ourselves when we feel like we have to prove or convince to others that we are not what they think us of.
But when you accept that the True you can never be boxed into a category nor be fully seen by anyone else other than yourself, you gain immense freedom, realizing that you are one with God’s perfection and love. This is how you find wholeness in yourself, and without even trying, you begin to let the parts that you most wanted to shine to come through too.
Journaling prompts for self-acceptance:
What judgements am I most afraid of? What do they reveal about me?
What aspects of myself have I not loved and accepted?
How does the unaccepted part of me want to be seen by me?
My love, if you’ve read to this point, I want you to know that you deserve to embrace all that you are and share the gift of who you are to the world. I know how exhausting it is, to be teetering on eggshells worrying about what people think of. I understand how it is know deep down that you are capable of more but feel like you’re not allowed to do so.
And what I want you to know is that allowing yourself on what to do, what to express, what to create can ONLY come from you. No one has the authority to make you go for what you desire except you.
And if we are only waiting for other people’s approval, validation, and acceptance, we will never be able to satisfy the longing inside. With that I leave this to you with a poem that remind you of the freedom you’ve always had:
In the core of the soul, there is desire
To be wild, be free, and be who she is
Like the eagles soaring over the skies
Or the wind roaming over the fields
Or the clouds ever shape-shifting
Free to play, become, create anything
Yet when you start to care what other people think
The knot is tied, the soul is trapped
by people’s judgements, of what “should” be done
Clipping the wings that reach
the heaven she came here to be
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