How I healed my abandoned inner child
This morning I woke up panting from a dream where I was my abandoned inner child. She was trying to save everyone else but none of her efforts were recognized. Nobody cared about her or even recognized her existence.
If this dream of mine sounds somewhat familiar to you, I want to tell you that you are in the right space, dear one.
Because here, we will be tending to our inner children who has ever felt abandoned-- who feels lonely, unseen, unnoticed, and unloved. My hope is that through reading this article, you receive any healing that is needed...
I'm also writing this because the shadows of my abandoned inner child, I would say, have been so hauntingly familiar to me. In my entrepreneurial path, especially early on, I would feel lonely, unseen, unnoticed, and even unworthy because few people liked my posts or because nobody bought my offers. And in my most recent friendship breakup, again I noticed how triggered and hurt my abandoned inner child was, as she did not feel like her love was reciprocated by the friend.
It's like no matter how much we try to "fill her up" with things, whether it'd be money, friends, or fame, it still feels empty, like you need more.
whether that is to have More eyes on you, more validation of your success, more love from people you think you need etc.
But I also want to tell you how healing that feeling of being unloved/unseen/abandoned is also possible-- through seeing her. This is because to heal that wound is to see the wound. Our inner child gets liberated when we see her fully for entirety— seeing what she wants, what she is afraid of, what she is tired of.
That’s what shadow work is.
Through seeing the shadows (i.e. unaccepted parts of you), you'll also see that in the other side of the healing is a more liberated version of you. One who is happier, healthier, and is fulfilled from following her higher calling. One who is able to receive and give love fully. One who feels unconditionally loved in all of her (you).
So let's get started on this, shall we, dear one?
Seek for the source of the inner child's desire, that is beyond her desires
The first truth that needs to be seen is that no matter what our inner child seeks for, no amount of seeking will ever be enough. Whether that is-- the attention she seeks for, the love she seeks for, or the validation she seeks for.
This can look like a feeling of "not being enough". To some people, it may look like never feeling successful enough despite how much money/achievements they earn. To some, it may look like never feeling loved enough despite how much we try to love someone else etc. It's like no matter how hard we try, we are never getting/having/being enough.
That sense of emptiness from "not being enough" can feel like being left alone in a dark empty cave. A cave that's so dark and pitch black that it becomes like a black hole-- like a literal black hole in outer space, eating up all matter that nothing, not even light can escape from being devoured. It's a kind of ceaseless hunger that consumes matter for eternity.
Our internal "black holes" can also feel just like that. It can feel like nothing can feed that gaping hole we feel inside our inner child enough.
The good news is... the only one thing that can feed this internal hole-ness (emptiness) that is within us is the infinite whole-ness i.e. the actual source of what we (our inner children) are looking for.
It this the Universal Spirit-- an energy that is limitless, infinite, and expansive that lives within us and connects all of us. It carries the energy of all that we are looking for and is the source of all that we desire.
For example, when my inner child was hoping to hangout with a friend who "abandoned" me, what my inner child was actually desiring was the source of the joy that was felt through our friendship interaction. To the inner child, it may seem like the friend was the source of the joy. However, the truth is, the joy I felt through my friend was a manifestation of the infinite Universal energy of joy that was expressed though my friend and was witnessed by me. In other words, the Universal energy of joy was the actual thing that my inner child was longing for, which was beyond the friend or myself.
Seeing this helped me liberate my inner child because I realized that my inner child's desires do not have to be fulfilled by another person or a thing outside of me. Instead, what the inner child actually desires is to experience the thing that she is looking outside of her, to find it within you (in other words, to seek the Universal Spirit within you).
And every time when the inner child is feeling empty it is because she believes that the other person (or thing) is the source of our desire, when the truth is, it is the Universal Spirit (the infinite energy) that we desire. Until then, we will always feel like we need more... of a person, a thing, a result etc. in a perpetual state of suffering (as called Samsara, in Buddhism).
So how do we find that Universal Spirit within you? you may be wondering?
This leads onto the next step which is to
Allow the space for the inner child to express herself
The reason why most of our pain persists is because judge the pain/label it as "bad". We either numb it, avoid it, or over-identify ourselves with it.
In this case, the feelings of being abandoned (unloved/unseen/unheard etc.) persist because we judge those feelings as "bad." As a society, we have been programmed to believe that we need to be happy at all times-- and that if we feel sad, it is because something is wrong with us. We associate living a perfect life with happiness.
This leads to our inner children being shoved in the corner and while we run life on constantly hitting the "gas pedal." It's like you need to keep the impression that all-is-well, in order to keep achieving/succeeding. Life can become exhausting when we are running away from our inner child.
When the truth is, true happiness (bliss) arises only when you have accepted all that is within you-- i.e. the goods and the bads, the sadness and the happiness, the inner child and the Higher Self. You find the Universal Spirit that is within you (and that is flowing within all of us) when you accept all parts of yourself, including your inner child.
What we don't normally see is that our inner children are actually handing us gifts. Through accepting her, you gain more awareness of the truth of You+ the truth of the Universe. Through loving her, you see more of your innate talents-- you unlock childlike joy, play, and creativity.
You become a walking fountain of miracles (i.e. become one with the Universal Spirit) when you are in awe of the wholeness that your inner child is actually bringing you.
For me, once I learned to accept more of my inner child (and even her sadness), I became a better space-holder/healer for my clients. I became more connected to the authentic desires of my heart which made me better connect to the hearts of my clients through my writings. I became a more pure channel of Divine consciousness.
Our inner children are actually pointing us to the gateway of being in our true soul potential.
Think of the inner child as little fairy pointing with magic wand to your next step of happiness and creative unfolding. Through allowing the inner child to express her pure nature behind her sadness, we come to realize that we are THE love that we’ve always wanted.
See the other side of abandonment
Even if we know that accepting our inner child is important, I know how actually feeling her pain if being abandoned (unseen, unloved, unheard etc.) can be scary...
It can remind us of the times when we were lonely, lost, unpopular, being an outcast etc.
However, one thing I've come to learn, that will hopefully make this process of healing your inner child much easier for you is that... Being abandoned, also comes with freedom.
When we allow our inner children to feel abandoned (in a compassionate way), we actually experience more freedom to create a whole New Universe of what you actually want.
This is because most of the time, we hold ourselves back from the things we creating/pursuing actually desire out of the fear not being liked, accepted, and abandoned.
Think of being a creative. When we have a fear that other people may abandon us (dislike us, not approve us of our creative work etc.), we may be holding ourselves back from making the art that you desire.
Likewise, as an entrepreneur, when we are afraid of people not buying our work, we end up holding ourselves back from speaking authentic truths and making bold moves that bring change on the planet.
Likewise, in relationships, when we are afraid that other people may leave us, we end up people pleasing and abandoning our own desires + happiness.
Such a freedom like this: where you live a life that lights you up, would not be possible, if we have not discovered the other side of feeling abandoned.
For me, I realized that the more I embrace what's on the other side of feeling abandoned (by friends, by my social media audience who are not aligned with me), the more I become focused on improving my craft. I became more connected to my soul without needing validation. And I became more connected to God, with a much clearer mind and a purer heart as I got more space to listen to the Divine.
So the medicine for you, my love, is:
To ask yourself-- how Free would you people, if you embraced the other side of “abandonment”?
You will see that it is a path where you become your most authentic, connected, aligned self. It's a path where the things you create serves not only you but also the highest good of the planet. It’s a path where you are loved wherever you go. It's a path where you don't just experience miracles but also become the miracle being yourself.
All thanks to your beloved inner child (who she thinks she was abandoned, but actually not)
With love,
Chan Myae
