My secrets to a stress-free, easeful life

As I write this letter, I’m sipping a cup of dandelion tea, freshly foraged from my own garden. I smell the air of early spring, enjoying one of many of my slow, relaxed mornings. 

And I’m reflecting on how grateful I am, to get to do nourishing soul work that fulfills me. The rest of my time, I spend my time idly basking in the delights of nature like watching rays of sunlight revealing golden spots of heavenly treasure through the leaves. My days are quiet, gentle, and serene– exactly the kind I like. 

But my life was not always like this. I remember, some time ago, in my early 20s, when I would wake up to the dreadful sound of alarm, followed by studying, then working, then classes, with a 10-minute lunch break shoved somewhere in between. I remember feeling like my life was a race, driving through a mountain of tasks and obligations, which I could never quite get ahead. 

And even when I stepped into being a spiritual entrepreneur, it still felt like I was still carrying suitcases in the back of my head. There was always this pressure of “I need to make more money” followed by “look at how many people are ahead of me” (as I scroll through social media) then followed by shame and insecurities about myself. And no matter how many clients I enrolled, there was always the stress of “if only I could do more.” 

Looking back, I now see that it’s not just the workload that has changed, but rather who I am as a person. Before, work used to feel like a chore, a means to an end, but now it’s a delight to get into. Time used to be about how much I can fit in, but now it’s about enjoyment, depth, and quality. And most importantly, the lens of how I see reality has changed– which means even if I were to get into the same ‘stressful’ situations as before, I wouldn’t be stressed like before.

And no, I’m not a millionaire nor do I have my whole life savings in my bank account (if you’re thinking that you can only be stress-free when you “get there”). I am still at the groundwork phase of my coaching business as I rebuilt it all over again, but regardless I can say with confidence that I am living my dream of a stress-free, easeful life everyday. And I know that this stress-free, easeful life is totally possible for you too<3

And so today I thought I would share with you the main tenets of my life that have transformed stress in my life into ease that feels like a flower bed. With that I’m able to overflow that onto my clients, dissolving their stress into peace, fulfillment, and inner effortlessness too.

An example of client who “don’t have much stress anymore” after our work together

Seeing the roots of stress

Before we talk about stress regulation techniques or anything, I believe that the most important thing to focus on is to see where we are getting the stress from.

For most people (including me in the past), the root of why stress happens is because we are trying to live a life that is not true to us. We are pressuring ourselves to keep up with the noise of the world telling us what to do and who to be.

This is especially worse with social media where we try to pursue an image that other people would look up to in order to like and validate us. Like for me, years ago, I tried to be the “perfect” daughter by being a medical doctor, who would be looked up to by the asian society. Or in the business world where I felt the need to get to the bare-minimum 10k months as fast as possible, because that’s what every Instagram business coach preaches about. 

But by trying to fit into the boxes (and pursue things) that society has programmed us to, we therefore become disconnected to our own inner north star and who we are truly meant to be. By trying to force ourselves to become something (admirable, likeable, “successful”), we distort our natural way of being… our inner unfolding–that’s unique and satisfying to the soul and psyche..

Stress happens as a result of pressuring ourselves to be something we’re not. By doing so, we become more stressed as we are no longer in touch with our true organic being that freely flow within. 

You can see whether you are living in a state of pressure (therefore creating stress) or not by asking what would become of you if you didn’t get what you want. If it is through pressure, you will hear your inner voice say something like “If I don’t get to six-figure-months as fast as possible (or insert another society-based goal you want, then I will be a nobody, a disgrace, a failure,” etc. 

Such is the ego mind using stress to create more stress so you don’t have to face your own real reasons for stress (i.e. the fear of not being seen, not good enough etc). And the thing is, this pressure-based way of living only makes you spin a never-ending hamster wheel of suffering for your “goals” while still feeling stressed about not getting what you want.

To become free from stress, and live a life that’s truly fulfilling to you, is to see WHY the thing that stresses you out does so. This gives insight into whether you are running your life based on stress (or from the soul). From herein, you can then let go of the conditioning (i.e. noises of society) that causes stress in the very first place. 

Satisfying the “lack”

As you start to become aware of what’s creating stress, you will also begin seeing that whenever you are stressed, it’s because there is a deeper unmet need.
For instance, you may think that you’re stressed about your marriage. But as you look deeper, you will see that it’s coming from a fear of being alone (and therefore not having enough love). 

Similarly, you may think that you’re stressed about sales in your business. But as you look deeper, you will see that it’s coming from a fear of being rejected (and therefore not having enough safety if others were to judge you for your performance). 

With any form of stress you experience, it’s your body saying … “I’m afraid there won’t be enough (love/ safety/ time) etc. It’s your soul crying out for YOU to tend to an inner experience of “lack.”

Which is why in order to relieve ourselves of stress, we can’t just look for external solutions (such as trying to look for marriage advice from the internet or learning new business strategies). Doing this only keeps you in the state of “fighting” against stress, which perpetuates more of it. Rather, we have to go into the trenches of our soul and gently nourish the inner world with what’s most needed right now. 

This may look like resolving a conflict in the unconscious mind, fulfilling the craving for love, or reclaiming a lost part of ourselves. 

Such as, how one of my clients recently healed stress in her marriage through tending to the inner child of her husband in her body– when it led to giving her clarity and peace in her love life. Or another client who healed stress in her family through fulfilling her inner child’s craving for love, which led to giving her strength, stability, and self-trust. 

What our souls most desire differs from a case to case basis which is why I facilitate that through healing sessions (you can book a complimentary intro session here).

From here, you will see that stress is actually a call of the soul to look within, tend within, nourish within. Beyond the temporary solutions through “fixing” things in the outer world, it’s your soul asking you to meet and see her. Only this inner union with our soul is what not only leads to soothing out stress, but also shifting the way you feel in your body long term. 

Syncing up the mind, body, and spirit

The last fundamental piece I want to mention here is the importance of having the mind, body, and spirit all on the same page.

You know that they are NOT on the same page if you experience any of these things:
- You are conflicted between many ideas (or choices) for your career/business or love life and can never decide on which one is “right” for you

- You really want to do something (or establish a new habit) but for some reason, you keep bumping into a resistance that makes you spiral back into your old self-sabotaging habits

- You feel like you have to push so hard to show up or get what you want, and are deep down tired and exhausted of it 

In all of these three cases, it means that your mind wants one thing (i.e. your conscious mind), but your body and your soul (i.e. your unconscious mind) are still clinging onto old patterns, behaviors, or beliefs which make them “clash” together and so giving rise to the sense of unease, lack of flow, and feeling lost. 

And pushing “harder” is never the answer either. Because no matter how hard your conscious mind pushes (and want something badly), there will still be a part of you that sabotages it, resists it, or chooses things that don’t actually serve you. An example is like that for your love life– you may really want to attract a loving, caring partner, but if your unconscious mind is holding onto the abandonment wounds from previous partners, it leads to attracting people causing the same wounds, only with different faces. 

Just like that, when you want to clear your life from stress, you may want more ease such as having time freedom in your day-to-day life. But if your body/unconscious mind thinks that time freedom = lack of stability, you will find yourself taking on responsibilities and tasks that you don’t even enjoy just to fill up your time, and so sabotaging what you most and truly want. 

In other words, when the mind, body, and spirit are not on the same page, you only end up draining your energy– trying to arrive somewhere but still find yourself still getting nowhere. It leads to only keeping you in a state of worrying, doubting, or overthinking, and not being at a place (or mental state) where you are satisfied and fulfilled. 

This is why inside my 1:1 support, I don’t just ask my clients what they want and then make them do things– because we know that purely doing “mindset work” doesn’t work. Instead, we give a voice to all parts of you (I would channel your mind, your body, your spirit)-- so they all feel seen, heard, and understood. Then we let them “talk” to each other so they can now work together instead of against each other. Doing this is the foundation of a life that’s easeful, fulfilling, and stress-free.

And in my own life, through syncing up my mind-body-and-spirit, I have come up with personalized stress freeing routine that support me daily: 

-Such as sleeping like a baby, for 9-10 hours daily. In the past, my mind would criticize me and make me feel guilty for sleeping a lot (because back in the day, in the hustle-culture world I would call that as “lazy”). But now, after dissolving that shame and guilt, my whole mind-body-and-spirit feels energized daily which I supports me for spiritual channeling (and facilitating healing in my clients) too. 

-Choosing skin care that feels good on my body. My mind, in the past, felt like I had to wear retinol because that’s what the whole western skin care industry preaches on. And even though my intuition– i.e. body/spirit told me not to), I did it anyway and that led to extra-sensitive skin and a damaged skin barrier. Now, after dissolving that fear (of aging and falling behind skincare trends), I came across castor oil, which not only soothes my skin and led to a “glow” I have never seen before, it led me to my spirit feeling comfortable as my true self, as I opt for natural over heavy makeup look (which the latter = more stress).

All of that is to say, we all have our own personalized stress freeing routine and you have one too. This is the reason why just looking up self-care routines on the internet and following someone else's 10-step-plan doesn’t work. Rather, if you are to truly feel light, easeful, and stress-free, has to come from listening to the deepest desires of your body and soul within, and making your mind then work for them (instead of against them). 

~
To the soul, stress truly is an unnatural thing, at least not part of our true nature. But the world may lead you to think it is “normal”-- whether that is, stress from deadlines at work, stress about business, family, marriage etc. While of course, experiencing some stress is part of being a human. But if you find yourself continuously in it, it’s telling you that some part of your life is off– meaning you’re trying to work against who you actually are. 

And in order to release stress, if it arises, it’s not about running away from it– whether that’s through digital distractions, food, procrastinating, or other mental addictions. Doing so only piles up more of the stress we already experience. 

But the answer rather lies in leaning gently into it, so you can hear what each part of you– namely the mind, body, and spirit are saying. Only then can you begin nourishing the part of you that most needs YOU (and your loving awareness). This is the key to resolving all inner conflicts, challenges, unmet desires, which deep down are “begging” for your attention within. And only upon prioritizing these inner needs, just like how you would tend to your own inner garden, the outer life starts to naturally blossom. 

If you’d like to let go of stress in your life, while experiencing peace and fulfillment as your everyday lived experience, that’s what my 1:1 support is for. Whether you want the kind of peace that’s like a zen garden or soul purposeful contentment, we transform your lived reality so you can feel the essence of “having arrived.” To see if it’s right for you, you can book a free clarity session here.