Know your worth and you will find happiness

In this day and age of social media “likes”, follows, and Instagram-worthy grandiosity, it is easy to associate your self-worth with your external accomplishments. It’s easy to think that your self-worth is measured by what you have – e.g. the amount of money in your bank account, whether you are married by age 30, how many people commented on your latest profile picture etc. 

However, even though this way of living seems normal, associating your self-worth with your external self is one of the worst things you can do for your inner self. Many times, when my clients are going through sadness/ low days, I see that the root of these feelings are almost all the time linked to the feeling of not being worthy or good “enough.” 

This looks like no matter how much money you’ve earned/ tried hard to get ahead, it still feels like there’s always somebody who’s “further ahead.” It also looks like feeling as though you are not as good as someone else’s expectations of you or constantly doubting your gifts/ yourself. When you have low self-worth, there is an anxiousness around who you are and what you can have.

I was someone who used to have crippling low self-worth myself. My whole life, I measured my worth to external things outside of myself— like the grades I earned in school, how much my business makes, how many social media followers I had. And let me tell you, that whole time I was believing that my self-worth= my achievements, it was miserable. It felt like there was always something bothering me in the back of my mind— which was a voice telling me that I was not doing enough/ being enough. 

Perhaps you may be thinking, “if you don’t feel enough, then try harder!” At least that’s what my ego mind believed back then. But the fact of the matter is that, when you have low self-worth, it will always feel like there is something you still “lack” regardless of the changes you make in your life. This is why no matter how many things you’ve manifested/ tried to be “the best version of yourself,” your mind still can’t stop thinking of “what’s next.”

This is where a lot of New Age manifestation and self-development teachings fall short… and why they still do not lead to lasting happiness. 

That is because your true Self (the eternal self) is beyond the identities you’ve labeled yourself. Your true Self is greater than any metrics you think you are worth. Which means even if you say you are the “big things”—e.g. a multimillionaire, a New York times best selling author, a chief executive etc. — your true Self is even greater than these identities that you’ve established for yourself. And until you realize this expansiveness of your true Self, you will not find peace in yourself. 

However, when you think your worth is defined by these small egoic identities and labels, you become chained down by them. That means, you become afraid to become anything other than who you think you “ought to be”/“should be.” Like for instance if your worth is defined by your relationship status, you become afraid of leaving a relationship even when it is toxic. Or when you think you are a “successful career,” (your worth is defined by your career) you become afraid to switch paths in your career even if it was sucking your soul inside.

When your self-worth is on the line, you become afraid of letting go of the old ways of doing + being to experience something better.  

True happiness cannot arise until you find inherent worthiness in who you are. That is, to see that you are worthy and have always been, regardless of your titles/accomplishments. When you truly know your worth, you feel loved and valued in all ways, even if you didn’t try to “fix” yourself or “become better.” You know that your worth is independent of how “higher” up you are in the economic ladder or how “impressive” you look on social media. You no longer need to compare yourself to your past self or other people and with that, there is a big relief deep in your soul.

With this realization, a new form of happiness arises– the kind where you are happy simply for being who you are. Your happiness no longer relies on external circumstances, although yes your external circumstances can be great teachers.​ This is what self-realized masters like Sri Ramana Maharshi means when he says “Happiness arises from us… it lies deep in the core of our being.”

When you see your true worth, you are seeing your true self. And it is you seeing your true Self that leads to happiness. 

This is the reason why whenever you look at nature, you feel happy (or at least most of the times, you feel at peace). It’s because you see the perfection of nature and see it as it is, without your mind coming in and assessing how much the trees and the rivers are “worth.” Nature’s worth is beyond comprehensible and just like that your true self’s worth is beyond matter.

Seeing this perfection is what creates the sensation of fascination, wonder, and awe– and you can experience the same thing about yourself. However, when you are judging yourself based on what you think you are worth, all it leads to is restriction, limitations, and saddening self-doubt. 

Which is the reason why whenever I have a client who wants to experience greater happiness (i.e. unconditional happiness), I like to first gage where they are on their journey by asking these self-worth related questions: 

• Can you be proud of yourself even without your achievements? 

• Do you feel worthy of receiving what you desire if you didn’t work hard/ change who you already are? 

• Can you be at peace with all that you are– even the parts you think are a “failure”/”unacceptable”? 

When your answer to these questions is no, you know that there is more truth that your soul wants to experience for yourself. 

But when you can finally say yes, it shows that you are becoming free– free to experience happiness, even beyond the external outcomes and the “highs” of your achievements. To the little girl in you, it’s like giving the gift of a vacation that she has always wanted– where she can be with happiness whenever and wherever she wants, instead of being limited to only the times when she has achieved something “significant.”