Knowing what actually brings you peace: Ego vs. Soul desires

Along the search for peace, you will see that there are two spiritual teachings that seem to conflict with each other.

On one hand, there is the teaching in the Manifestation/ Law of Attraction community that says “you deserve to experience every desire. All desires are meant to be yours.”

And on the other hand, in eastern spiritual teachings like Buddhism, there is the saying (at least translated in English) that “desires are the root of suffering.”

And if you’re like me, a deep-feeling intuitive soul who is is search for Truth, that may have confused you.

Yet, what I’ve come to understand over the past years is that actually, desire itself isn’t the problem. Rather, it’s the root of where our desires come from that determines whether we suffer or not (i.e. not be in a state of peace or not).

Desire, in its truest form, is the language of the heart. It’s the feminine essence of the Universe moving through us—alive, open, responsive. Without it, there can be no fulfillment. Just as a valley is shaped for water to run through it, our desires shape our inner landscape to receive the life that’s meant for us.

Even the act of creation—us being here, breathing, existing—was born from desire. A divine yearning to experience life through you.

Our truest desires are sacred breadcrumbs. They lead us, one small intuitive pull at a time, toward the life that’s most fulfilling and aligned.

Like a walk that leads to meeting a soul-matched friend or a partner…
Or a painting that turns into a business that awakens your soul…
Or a feeling that nudges you to rest—and somehow, in that stillness, a new chapter begins.

Our desires can be a form a divine guidance that leads to living a meaningful life that you came here for.

But at the same time, not all desires are rooted in fullness.

Some are born from fear, comparison, or the ache to feel “enough.” Some are rooted from the childhood conditioning that demands you on who to be. 

These are what I now call ego desires. And even when we do get them, they only lead to temporary satisfaction, but afterward, leaving us feeling emptier than before.

I know this intimately.

Because for years, I chased after what I thought I wanted. At first, I tried to make my parents proud by becoming the “good girl”—pursuing a path of being a medical doctor which wasn’t mine. Later, I tried to impress the online world—striving for the version of success I saw glamorized: 6-figure months, luxury bags, dream homes.

And while I did hit milestones—I also felt disconnected. I was living towards fulfillment, but not in it. It felt like I had to earn the right to rest. To enjoy. To feel proud of myself.

Even when I hit a $10k month, I didn’t feel like I had “made it.” In fact, I felt even more pressure. A deeper void. Another mountain I had to climb. I was exhausted. Not because the goals were too big—but because they weren’t truly mine.

That’s when I began distinguishing between the two types of desires that move us. That is, one that only make us stuck in the loop of suffering (i.e. ego desires), while the other leads to lasting satisfaction and peace (i.e. soul desires):

1. Ego desires feel like pressure. Soul desires feel like peace.

The ego desires usually come with urgency, timelines, and fear-based metrics. They tell you things like:
“If you don’t make it now, you’re behind.”
“If you slow down, you’ll fail.”
“If you’re not seen, you’re not valuable.”

I used to wake up with an inner drill sergeant in my head. Looking back, I now see that it was shame masquerading as drive. The ego mind would say that that until I get to my desires, I can’t be at peace yet. And that if I don’t get my desires, I deserve shame, judgement, and disappointment.

True desires, however, feel different. They don’t scream—rather they beam forth. There’s a quiet conviction that what you’re moving toward is already part of who you are. There’s no rush. No desperation. Just deep trust.

2. Ego desires require you to be someone else. Soul desires let you be fully you.

When a desire is from the ego, you will often feel like you need to change yourself, distort yourself, or perform “better” to achieve it. You might try to sound more polished. Act more “high-level.” Mimic someone else’s blueprint to fit in.

In business, this might look like forcing yourself to follow marketing strategies that drain you. Or editing your voice until your message sounds like everyone else’s.

And in relationships, it might look like believing that you aren’t a match for someone who’s great until you “improve” yourself. Or being afraid that if you just let yourself be who you are, you wouldn’t attract anyone.

However, your soul desires don’t demand that you be anything other than you. They arise from your natural way of creating, speaking, expressing. They feel like home. Like exhaling.

Following my soul desires, for instance, in business has allowed me to honor my slower, softer, more intuitive pace. It’s meant writing what I feel, not what’s trending. And what’s beautiful is that the more I align with that, the more the right people resonate. I don’t need to be loud to be heard. I just need to be real.

3. Ego desires isolate. Soul desires connect.

Ego desires are often rooted in self-focus: How can I win? How can I get more?
But soul desires naturally include others. They ripple outward. They serve.

For instance, in the path, I used to only think about— how can I * in a self-inflated, a high-tone* become more famous, more popular, more successful. But that only led me to feeling disconnected, lost, and disappointed in myself when I don’t get “my” way.

But now, one of the biggest shifts I’ve made in business is leading from generosity. Not in a performative, “over-deliver to prove my worth” way—but from a genuine desire to be of service. To give because it feels good to give.

And as I’ve done that, results naturally start to happen, without my egoic control. As in, clients telling me often that they receive even more than they expected. Or the business feels lighter. Like it’s carried not just by effort, but by love.

Because when we align with our soul desires, we’re no longer working against the current of life. We’re co-creating with life. We’re living in harmony with what is.

4. Soul desires are often surprisingly simple.

When you actually listen, and see where your desires come from, you will see that the most aligned, soulful desires are often quiet.

This can look like,

To rest.
To garden.
To create without needing to monetize.
To build a small, soulful business that supports your nervous system and lights up your day.

If you’re used to striving, these might seem “too small.” But these are often the desires that bring us home. They nourish us in ways that flashy milestones never could. At the same time, they are the things that make you feel as though your dream life is actually Here, in the present moment.

So my love, if you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, unfulfilled, or unsure if you’re chasing something that even matters to you—pause.

Not all desire is harmful. But it is important to discern what’s true to you.

You can do this by asking yourself:
Is this desire coming from love for life or fear of not getting what you want?
Is this rooted in who I truly am, or who I think I need to be?
If no one were watching, would I still want this?

If your answer is the latter, you will see that your desires only perpetuate more of “wanting,” “lacking,” and a sense of “not having.”

But when your desire is actually coming from the former— from love, purity, and service to others, you will see that inner peace is actually not far away.

Since after all, what your soul most want to experience is that which is IN you.