The good thing about not fitting in—freedom of being your true Self

If you’ve been on a search for inner fulfillment, you will likely come across a desire to be true to who you are. That is, the yearning to come home to your natural innate essence. 

This may look like doing business in a way that brings YOU joy, meaning, and peace, despite what popular teachings say. Or going after a career that you’ve always wanted, but you were afraid to in the past because the world convinces you otherwise. 

Or maybe, this desire shows up in your relationships where you want to express more of who you are. To show what you actually feel, and speak what you actually think. To be free to be/do/have, regardless of external bounds and limitations.
However, I know that this process of choosing your authentic self can feel like a tug of war inside. That is especially true if you are a sensitive soul who felt like your whole life you had to fit into a mold made by other people/society.

In fact, this fear of not fitting in (with others and their expectations) is a common fear that a lot of the women who come into my work usually experience. It’s an inner chasm where one part of you may feel the calling to do something true to you yet the other part of you may hold back for the fear of being different.

My dear, if you find yourself in such a place, what I want to say is that it is totally normal to experience that. The inner tension shows that in fact, your soul is transforming from within, and the old self that you feel like you need to keep in order to “fit in” is shedding its skin.

And the only reason why it feels hard, maybe even cathartic, is because we’ve been so conditioned. Conditioned to look like others, be like others, do things like others, and fit in with society. This is made worse when, especially as a child, you were forced by your parents/ teachers to meet their rules, structures, and expectations.

I know that because growing up, I always felt like a black sheep as well. As a child, I was different from my friends, from my skin color to my income level, yet I tried so hard to fit in. Because if I stood out, I would receive attention, be made fun of, and be bullied. 

However, despite having been through all of it, I am here to tell you that you DON’T have to fit in.

No, you don’t have to do what other people say you “should” nor follow the rubrics and expectations of society. In fact, the greatest fulfillment you will experience in your life– and the bliss of what you most want, lies on the other side of NOT fitting in. And I’m speaking this from my personal experience.

Below are some of the reasons why: 

When you don’t fit in, your path becomes clear

The first thing I want to tell you, my love, is that whenever you are trying to fit in with society, it is common to find yourself often feeling lost. 

Whether that’d be like not knowing what to choose for a career, or how to show up in your business. Or even what to wear or how to express yourself in a conversation with friends. 

That is because when we are trying to fit in, we are letting other people be a “model” for us. We are trying to make the world tell us what to do in order to feel safe within ourselves. 

I notice that myself whenever I look back at the times I felt “lost.” Like when I was young, I never knew what I really wanted to do in my career so I chose the path of becoming a medical doctor because that’s what my parents wanted me to do. Turns out, it only led me to a path of becoming more lost.

Or like later on in my entrepreneurial journey, I found myself not knowing how to speak in my content. Turns out it was because I was trying to follow exactly what the business coaches tell me to do instead of trusting my own gut. 

When we are trying to fit in with the world, it’s hard to know what we really want because we become disconnected to what we feel inside of us. Yet, our feelings are one of the primary ways on how our intuition (i.e. higher guidance) guides us.

Which is why when you stop trying to fit in with others and instead create your own path, you begin experiencing clarity in your own self like never before. That means knowing what you actually want, what brings meaning to you, and exactly how you want to bring that about. For you are now more in touch with your inner compass, which unlike the voices of the world, can never leave you…

When you don’t fit in, you fulfill your potential

Another thing that’s hard to come by whenever you are trying to fit in with the world is a sense of having truly lived. That is, a sense of satisfaction that comes from fulfilling a soul desire that is deeply felt. 

However, this soul desire is hard to fulfill when we are following other people. Because when we’re trying to fit in with the world, we become distracted by what other people are doing, having, and are being. We think that just because other people have checked off so and so, have relationships/ status/ certain things in life etc., it means we also have to pursue them. As in the case with following the trends and influencers on social media.

And because of it, we become slaves to desires that the world says we need to have. And instead of trying to find what would actually make us fulfilled, instead, we become caught up trying to be a replica of someone else– pursuing the “success” that has been programmed in the masses. 

When the truth is, your soul wants you to be different. Your soul wants to be a trend-setter, a way-shower, an original… because through that you give birth to something new that’s unique to the Self. 

This can look like embarking on a creative process that’s unique to you or a way of being/living that’s unique to you. Either way, it is through fulfilling this unique calling in you (that can be fulfilled through you and ONLY you), that can make us truly fulfilled. 

This is also what Carl Jung meant by the term individuation process, which he says “a necessary process by which a person becomes a psychological individual, a separate indivisible unity or whole, recognizing his innermost uniqueness.”

Meaning it’s a way of our psyches coming Home to ourselves and experiencing wholeness in our own uniqueness. 

Yet, when we don’t fulfill this inner calling, our souls become underdeveloped and our psyches become infested with fears, worries, and restlessness. As in where we live a life that may look “successful” on the outside, but deep down feeling empty, hollow, not being “enough.” 

I experienced that myself first hand when I first had some “success” in my business. However, because the strategies were a replica of someone else’s and were not true and authentic to me, I felt empty and discontent.

All of that is to say, that it is only through knowing your own soul (and the unique calling in you) that you can ever truly find meaning, wholeness, and contentment. And that comes down to choosing not to fit in, so you can carve your own definition of success…

When you don’t fit in, you are valued for who you are

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The last point that I do want to mention here is that when you let yourself not fit in, it’s a x1000 times more fun, exciting, meaningful, when you do fit in. 

What I mean by that is, when you stop trying to fit in with others but remain true to yourself, there is way more depth, connection, and love that’s felt when people do actually get your natural self. 

Like for me with my soul-friends, our conversations are bursting with vivacious colors of wildness, spontaneity, and depth whenever we hang out. The topics we share spark up our souls like fireworks and the enthusiasm we share together blast us like they are ecstatic shroom trips. And all of that was because we choose to NOT fit in with everyone else. In other words, we remain true to “weirdness” and only then, the people who are also “weird” in similar ways can find us!

The same is true in my business. Women often tell me that my words resonate deeply with them, reaching parts of their soul that they couldn’t articulate. When we work together, this connection leads to profound inner transformations—shifts they’ve never experienced elsewhere. I believe this happens because I’ve chosen to share what’s true to me, even if it doesn’t align with the mainstream market. 

Which leads onto my point which is that when we choose not to fit in, our hearts emit a unique frequency that is magnetic to the right people, without needing force, manipulation, or tactics from our part. For we are owning the unique blueprint that God has given to us, to express through us.

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Of course, the fulfillment that comes from not fitting in transcends beyond the outcomes of whether people do or don’t like us. It surpasses the need to be “magnetic” to others (and their egos).

Because the act of you choosing your truth is sacred in itself. Through choosing what’s true to you, even if you won’t fit in with others, you are choosing love, harmony, and truth that already exists inside of you. You are stating to the Universe that what you desire is Here, instead of your desire being “somewhere else” where you have to get it through being a false self. Wherein the latter means trying to be someone you’re not, just to get the love/approval that others give you.

Also by being true to you, you are doing what’s best for everyone else. By choosing your authentic self, you are choosing not to deceive others through being someone you are not. Because yes, if we try to fit in, we are contorting who we are which is a form of deception! On the other hand, when you are true to yourself, you are doing a service to others because you’re allowing them to be true to who they are too.

And my love, through you being you (and not fitting in with others), you will also find how freeing life is. You realize that you are actually free to live/ express/ be as anything you wish to be, untethered by social expectations. 

And through that freedom to be You, you will then realize a deeper level of freedom where you are emotionally and spiritually free too. That means having the ability to experience unconditional love, peace, and love whenever and wherever you go. For you are now at your true natural state, unbounded and uncontained by external forces. And here, you are able to access your inner ocean of bliss, and let it freely flow through you.