From surface level relationships to deep connection: Here’s how to transform

If there’s one force that shapes the depth of our fulfillment, it’s the quality of our relationships.

And I don’t mean the quantity—not how many friends you have, how often you're invited to exclusive events, or how long you’ve been in a relationship. But depth. The kind of connection that makes you feel profoundly seen, valued, and loved for who you are.

Because the truth is: A life filled with beautiful, impressive relationships can still feel unbearably empty.

I see this so often in high-achieving women—women whose lives look exquisite on the outside, yet behind the curated perfection, there’s a quiet ache. A feeling that something of substance is missing. And if you’re a sensitive soul, that ache will be even sharper. While others may not notice the lack of depth, you feel it in your bones.

You could be sipping champagne at a high-end private club, surrounded by some of the world’s most admired, powerful people. But if no one truly sees you—if you are loved only for your beauty, status, or ability to play the perfect role—those relationships will feel hollow, like a lavish feast that leaves you starving.

You could be going on dates with the most charming, successful men, yet still walk away feeling like an object of desire rather than a soul being cherished.

Because what your soul craves—what every soul craves—is to be loved for who she is. This is one of the deepest, most unspoken needs of the human heart.

And when that need goes unmet, relationships begin to feel shallow and lifeless. It manifests as…

• Feeling like you always have to play a role. You shape yourself into someone likable, effortless, “fun,” but beneath it all, you’re exhausted from performing. It feels like people are always watching, subtly judging, and you must keep up the act to belong.

• A gnawing hunger that no luxury can satisfy. No designer bag, no breathtaking vacation, no Michelin-star meal fills the craving for real connection. A connection where someone doesn’t just admire you but knows you—the real you.

• The dull repetition of empty conversations. The same predictable exchanges, the same surface-level laughter that never ventures deeper than weekend plans and million-dollar purchases.

• A deep, aching loneliness—even when you’re wrapped in someone’s arms. The kind of loneliness that whispers, They’re here, but they don’t truly see me.

And perhaps the hardest part? You may have wondered if something is wrong with you for feeling this way. For wanting more.

But my love, there is nothing wrong with you. Your soul simply knows the truth—that life isn’t meant to be a performance, a collection of numbers, or a beautiful yet hollow existence. Life is meant to be felt.

And that kind of fulfillment isn’t found on the surface—it’s found in the depths.

How to go into the depths

To begin deeply connecting with people (friends, family, romantic partner) in your life, it begins by first deeply connecting with You. 

Because here’s the truth, my dear one: other people can only reach their love to the extent that we have reached within ourselves. 

Think of relationships like a garden. When you plant a seed, you can only bury it as deep as the soil has been tilled. If the soil is shallow, the seed remains on the surface, unable to take root. But if you’ve dug deep—if you’ve softened and enriched the earth—only then can the seed settle in, grow, and flourish.

Likewise, if we haven’t journeyed inward, if we haven't explored the depths of our own soul, no one else can truly reach us. No matter how much they try, they’ll only ever touch the surface. And that’s when we start wondering:

• Do they truly love me, or just the role I’m playing?

• If I disappeared, would anyone even notice?

• Am I being seen, or just being observed?

To deepen your relationships, you must first dig into the soil of your own soul. Your inner world is vast—an entire landscape of memories, emotions, and parts of yourself that you may not even know. And within that soil, hidden beneath the layers, are the pieces of you that have been buried, forgotten, or deemed unworthy of love.

Unearthing the Hidden Parts of You

For example, imagine you’ve spent your whole life perfecting the role of the pretty, charming, effortless girl—the one who is always graceful, always agreeable, always adored. Maybe this is how you first learned to receive love from your parents, your peers, or society. But what happened to the parts of you that didn’t fit that mold?

The imperfect, messy, unfiltered girl—where did she go?

If she has been pushed aside, hidden beneath layers of conditioning, then of course your relationships feel shallow! Because if you believe that love only exists for the polished, curated version of yourself, then how can you ever feel fully loved?

This is where true transformation begins my love. And it’s not by seeking deeper connection externally, but by reclaiming the lost parts of you. It’s by embracing both the polished and the messy, the graceful and the awkward, the light and the shadow.

The more you reconnect with your whole self, the more deeply you will feel loved—not just by others, but by life itself.

A question to guide you

Imagine yourself as an expansive land, stretching endlessly—vast, untamed, and filled with hidden wonders. Beneath the surface lie gems of forgotten dreams, buried treasures of your soul’s truth, and ancient relics of the parts of you that have longed to be seen.

Now, picture the people in your life—your family, your friends, your partner—walking across this land.

What do they see?

Are they merely skimming the surface, treading along the well-manicured paths you’ve carefully laid out for them? Or have they ventured deeper, into the sacred, uncharted places where your truest essence resides?

And most importantly—what treasures remain hidden beneath the soil? What brilliant gemstones of your being have been buried, waiting to be unearthed? What ancient parts of you—raw, unfiltered, and deeply real—are longing to be seen, loved, and felt?

When we feel unseen or unloved, it is often because we, ourselves, have yet to unearth these parts. We have buried them so deep that even we have forgotten their existence. But love—true, soul-deep love—can only meet us where we have dared to meet ourselves.

The deeper you journey into your own soul, the deeper the world can meet you, my love. And the more you bring YOU to the surface, the more fully love can find you.

How to bring out your depths

Once you begin to unearth the hidden, unloved parts of your soul, the next step in deepening your relationships is breathing life into these dormant pieces of yourself. 

This begins by cultivating an unwavering sense of safety within yourself. Which means allowing every part of you—your brilliance, your vulnerability, your untamed emotions—to be seen, allowed, and expressed. It means knowing, in your bones, that you are worthy of love not just for the polished, poised version of yourself, but for the raw, unfiltered essence of who you are.

In fact, if I can tell you one of the most paradoxical “secrets” of deep relationships, it would be this: which is that the more you embrace the parts of yourself that you deem are “bad”, the more magnetic you become. In fact, these parts of you that you think are your “flaws” are actually the very roots that anchor in deep, unshakable soulmate love. 

Think about a time when you finally owned something you used to feel insecure about—perhaps a deep fear, an unconventional dream, or a hidden longing. When you shared it with someone who truly cared, didn’t it invite them to share their heart too? That’s the power of you owning your “badness” where you let the so-called “darkness” create more depth.

This is why, in my own life, I choose to show up as I am—often with little to no makeup, free from filters and perfection. Because I know that when I remove these layers of artifice, people connect not just to my appearance, but to me. And the deeper I allow myself to be seen, the deeper my relationships become.

Letting true effortlessness begin

And the beautiful thing is, when you bring out your depths (and feel safe to do so), you don’t even have to “try” to connect with other people anymore. It’s like the expression of your true, authentic Self naturally does the connection for you.

So you start drawing in people who truly see and cherish you while naturally filtering out those who were never meant to stay.

You find yourself bonding even more with connections that nourish while releasing those that drain...

And you begin to feel deeply seen, heard, and loved—not for the image you paint of yourself but for the fullness of you (and all that is).

And as a sensitive, feminine being, this is a profound relief to the soul. No more striving to be chosen. No more proving, performing, or contorting yourself to fit an illusion of desirability. Instead, you become a gravitational force, allowing love and connection to gather around you effortlessly.

The foundation of unshakable safety

And this shift is only possible when our sense of safety comes from within You, my dear one. It comes from realizing that safety is actually not outside of you– like from people, circumstances, or external validation. 

This is important because if you experience safety from only outside of you—whether in a romantic partner, a parent’s approval, or a friend’s reassurance—you become hyper-aware of their every move. Their acceptance or rejection becomes pedestalized, determining our worth. This creates insecurity, a constant second-guessing of yourself, and a quiet fear of abandonment.

But when you root yourself in the unwavering presence of your own inner safety—whether you call it God, the Universe, or your Higher Self—you become unshakable. You no longer wait for others to grant you permission to exist fully, and instead, you radiate your true essence unapologetically. And in that radiance, your relationships transform.

A question to guide you

Imagine your true self as a magnificent tree, bearing fruits of all colors, textures, and flavors. Each fruit represents a part of you longing to be seen, heard, and embraced.

If so, what do you see as the pests/weeds that are blocking the way of bearing these fruits? Does it feel like the fear of being judged, or the fear of being left out, or something else? Or do they remind you of inauthentic, surface level relationships? How are these pests/weeds stopping your inner bloom?

Yet, despite the presence of these pests/weeds (i.e. fears blocking your true Self from coming through), you will see that there is a sun is way more radiant and powerful. This is the presence of the Divine/God/love that is within you. And if you let that light be BIGGER than the weeds/pests, what will the plant (i.e. your true Self) become? What would she bloom into and who/what would she attract?

The Depth you Seek Begins with You

All of this is to show you my love that your relationships are merely extensions of what you experience within you.

Whenever we feel good and are connected within ourselves, our relationships naturally blossom– because they are simply reflections of the connection we feel inside our bodies, our own soul.

And in fact, when you are so connected within, you will find yourself NOT even becoming reliant on an outside person (whether that is a relationship, lover, friend), to feel depth anymore. Like it’s cool if they do, but if they don’t that’s cool too because now your source of fulfillment is no longer dependent on them anymore. 

Rather, you experience that You are the depth. You are the richness. And every interaction, every moment, every exchange becomes an extension of that overflowing love inside of you.

This, my love, is the highest form of freedom—to experience life as a continuous dance of depth and connection, without ever needing to grasp or chase it. It is a way of being loved by life itself.

And it is my deepest wish for you.

If this resonates, and you desire to embody this level of unconditional love—both within yourself and in your relationships—that is exactly what I help my clients cultivate. If you’d like to explore this journey together, you can book a complimentary 1:1 intro psychic healing session here.